all good things (![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} strictly_naive) wrote,@ 2004-12-17 00:28:00 |
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twothousand&five?
the twentytwos more unsure than the eighteens.
& twentythree more than ever...
living backwards,
progressive blurriness,,
& losing... just. losing.
i'm a loss.
it just hurts. him not being okay
with me & my choices
& my life.
he's my dad...
he deserves to be okay.
& my mom...
deserves a daughter in pharmacy school
who wants to get married
,who wants to have babies with her eyes
,& be in bed by midnight. every night.
& my granny, she deserves it all.
i could give them what they want.
but i choose not to.
i choose to risk all they've worked for.
& they're losing, because of me.
rolling on asphault; on a bus
filled with cheers & chants,
i hated it... or me AND it.
and i wasn't okay with being there.
1am. on a bus. tired & sick.
50 content people minus 1.
the twentytwos more unsure than the eighteens.
& twentythree more than ever...
living backwards,
progressive blurriness,,
& losing... just. losing.
i'm a loss.
it just hurts. him not being okay
with me & my choices
& my life.
he's my dad...
he deserves to be okay.
& my mom...
deserves a daughter in pharmacy school
who wants to get married
,who wants to have babies with her eyes
,& be in bed by midnight. every night.
& my granny, she deserves it all.
i could give them what they want.
but i choose not to.
i choose to risk all they've worked for.
& they're losing, because of me.
rolling on asphault; on a bus
filled with cheers & chants,
i hated it... or me AND it.
and i wasn't okay with being there.
1am. on a bus. tired & sick.
50 content people minus 1.
